There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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