He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
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my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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