Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
