She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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