Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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