Jerry, you need to find god
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
