Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
