Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
