i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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