she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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