i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
