As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We left the knife in your bed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
