I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
