my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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