A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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