Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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