i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
