making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
