Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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