so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
