I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
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don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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