oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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