Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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