Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
