Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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