i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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