how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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