No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town