he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
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He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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