Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
