If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
