96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
