needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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