yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
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Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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