I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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