Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
