I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing