I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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