I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
