i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
