So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
