I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
