I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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