i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
