You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
