I will die if light touches me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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