your thong is hanging out like whoa
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
