She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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