OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
