I'm going to jail i love you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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