it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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