Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
