Jerry, you need to find god
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
