Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
