Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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