Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
