I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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