every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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