you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
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you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots