I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.