ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
